The Mysterious Lola Bette

All my life, I have had to answer questions about Lola Bette. Questions were asked when I was growing up in Catmon, prying questions raised by family and friends. According to Lola Bette "the only people you need to let into your life are those who accept you unconditionally - the true sign of kinship is unconditional acceptance and love."

It was a bit confusing since she also told me to "treat everyone who crossed my path well, because they could be Jesus or angels sent Jesus and gifts from God."

Lola Bette carried a lot of scars and anger in her; along side her kind and grieving heart. I would often wake up in the middle of the night and find her crying softly and smoking by the window. Sometimes she would speak of her loneliness, of cruelties inflicted on her - mostly gossip; of her fears current, past and future, of her love for Lolo Milong, of their separation, of raising her children alone in Catmon, of her children abandoning her, of strength and survival, not depending on anyone!

I grew up steeped with stories of the Detroit of her youth. She was brought to Michigan by Uncle Albert Martileno and Uncle Leo Concepcion??? She grew up with Uncle Leo's children - Bobby and Mona. She called Uncle Leo's wife, Ma (Polish I think???)

Lola spoke about their escapades in Belle Isle and the Detroit River, of train rides and street cars. One time, she got very mad at me because I couldn't remember the name of her favorite melon - a green melon called "honeydew."

We went to see her relatives in Bogo at least twice a year. I was never allowed to tell or talk about them in Catmon. Nanay Candi was one of her aunts from her mother's side, I think.

When we visited, they would reminisce and speak their own Panay dialect. They were from Kalibo - now in Aklan province. They also have relatives in Estancia - a fishing village, not far from Kalibo.

For years, I spent part of my summers in Bogo - mostly the whole month of April with Tia Aning and Tio Pablo Ramel. They usually brougth me back on May 1st - Lola's birthday! They had a store at the market. I played with their children: Vic, Nene (Teresita) and Mila. Mila was my age. Sometimes we helped with the store, but mostly we played at home under the watchful eye of Nanay Candi. Nanay Candi was a Grencio by marriage???

Sometimes Tio Piping Morales' family would come to Bogo - first from Bohol, where he was the postmaster in Tagbilaran, later from Mabolo, when he became postmaster in Cebu City. Tio Piping was Nanay Candi's eldest son. Except for Elenita who was much older than we were, the four of us girls (Carmen, Nene, Mila and myself) would sleep in the floor in one room.

I spent a lot of time with the Morales' in Mabolo when I was in college in San Carlos. Had a fairly close relationship with his youngest daughter Carmen. In Mabolo, they lived down the street from Lolo Inteng and Lola Pacing Montecillo. Nene and Hope were very close friends. We were all at USC. Too bad I lost track!

We've had a few visitors from Lola's family in Panay - I can barely remember them - there was a Henry and a Virgie. The one who visited most and spent the most time in Catmon, was Tio Tonying Sioco. He was a high school teacher in either Kalibo or Estancia.

My mother is the only one who had ever spent time in Kalibo and make other family connections. She made several trips to Kalibo, when she was working on Lola Bette's social security papers. Lola's sister and her family came to visit when Mom, Dad and Donna lived in Cavite. Somehow, we also missed that chance of connection.

Making sure that Lola was taken care of was an obsession for our mother, Teresa - from Social Security pension to making sure that Lola had adequate housing. She did not leave the Philippines until the house she was building for Lola was done. Unfortunately, she paid very dearly for the decision to stay.

She told me that if she died - she will die in peace because she took care of her mother. I think she continued to crave for Lola's approval to the end.