Complicated - Subayon

It is complicated is often used in "Facebook" regarding relationship status.I think it means that it is difficult to explain.

I grew up being difficult to explain. I can remember the expressions;the looks in the faces when I was introduced or when someone asked about me. In my day, people were interested in family lineage.

I am the daughter of Teresa Montecillo and Juan Rojo. No, they did not marry - so I am illegitimate - a stigma I carried when I was growing up. I never felt good enough. This was very hard on me, causing alienation towards some of the gossipy branch of the PanMon Clan. It was Tata Batyong, Lola Sayong and Lola Eliang who constantly assured my inclusion as a Montecillo when I cried about it.

Tata Batyong would say things like "tell them you are a Montecillo, the rest is none of their business."

Lola Bette was also hard to explain. I was often asked where she came from - she was not Catmonanon nor Cebuano for that matter. Lolo Milong brought her to Catmon from Detroit. Although, I spent a lot of time with members of her family - she would always tell me to leave her family out of the conversation. So her family came and went, when they visited. We visited Bogo and Mabolo.

People often asked what my plans are for the holidays. I spend my holidays with family - my complicated family. Which family?

So here are pieces to the puzzle. Subayon.

Mama Teresa married Dad Ron Elliott. Mama and Daddy had Donna. So now, I have a sister on Mama's side. Dad Elliott's rule is that there are "no steps" - so Donna and I never had the "step" relationship.

I married Lee Rankine - Leto, Rosanne and Lauren are the gifts from the union.We were married for 20+ years. Lauren got together with Mike Hallam and had Dominic. Leto got together with Tracy - so came Manny Henry-Rankine. Rosanne got together with Creek Noke - so we now have Zachary and Gus Rankine-Noke. I love them all!

After Mama Teresa died,Dad Elliott married Mom Josephine Miller Currie bringing her three children - Julie, Karen and Roger. Then Michael was born. Donna married a Rhadigan and had Nicole. Then she married Frank Hayden - Garrett and Brandon came along. Nicole married Simon Haidi - their children are Mina, Gabriel and Alexander.

Julie married a Badamo and had Gina and Joey. Gina married Scott Barber. The children are Shelby, Megan and Gino.Karen married Mario Del Grecco. Michael married Carrie. Roger never married.

I have spent the last 30+ Christmases with this wonderfully blended family. I spend almost all the other American traditional family holidays with them.

I learned to "subay" from Lola Miliang de Dios and from the countless birthdays, weddings,"canta misa" ordinations and of course, funerals - mostly the Montecillo side - that we attended from Catmon to Sogod to Borbon to Naga to Tuburan to Carcar -wherever Montecillo's lived.The experiences gave me a solid Montecillo grounding.

This is where I learned that families can be very complicated but very rewarding if there is cohesion.

Tatay Juan Rojo is ill in San Francisco - I have never spent Christmas with him or my siblings on the Rojo side. Nanay Julia is a Menchavez - so I am blood related to my brothers and sisters there. On the Menchavez side, they are my cousins. I am trying to decide whether to fly out tomorrow or on Christmas Day. I am conflicted on how to allocate my meager resources of time and dollars.

I will pray - I still have three families from Christmas for Kids to finish up.

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Updates for Family Connections - aka Some of Lola Bette's Lessons

The people we serve.

Just had a snow storm - have 10 inches of snow in the ground - still some folks are outside, some find shelters for the night. God have mercy! It is cold out there - yes,some of them die from exposure or from fires. They try to find shelter in abandoned homes - yes, we have a lot of those also! Go figure????

I see some of them at the soup kitchens - times are hard in Michigan.

Have 58 families for the Madonna University Christmas for Kids Project - about 162 children. These are the left behinds of our consumer society, the excluded from the holiday cheer in the packed malls - they watch television and see excess. And wish and hope!

I have a couple of students combing the malls and stores for gifts and groceries!

I wanted to win the Lotto - so all the people on my list plus Sr. Caroline's 500+ families and Ms. Rodriguez's 100+ have hope for the holidays. My friend brought me down to reality, very quickly - Larry said that if I had the money - I would still be broke because I will always give stuff away.

My standard reply is: "I came with nothing and I leave with nothing," Lola Bette used to say that.

Among the things she told me is that "all people placed in your life are gifts from God - so you better be kind, nice, etc... because they could be angels as in the story of Abraham of the old testament or Jesus in disguise as in the gospels." So how can I argue with that???

It is the same the world over - need, want, wish, hope - lines are blurred. Most people look away - I can't seem to do that - never developed the capacity to look away from injustice and misery!

I try to train students to look at misery and poverty without flinching or running away - it is the only way that we can collectively define the problem, get to the root causes and find solutions.Acts of love are very scarce yet essential in finding solutions.You know doing, something for nothing - no expectations,no strings,suspend all judgenment, etc.

Am I a dreamer or what?

When I was young - we never really had presents but we had a lot of joy and laughter.The best part was "panaygon." We went from house to house and sang Christmas carols.

My godparents - Papa Abog Concha and Mama Uping used to give me a few centavos plus "puso" and whatever else they had to offer. The others who remembered me were my godmother, Mama Natang Roldan, Tio Dido Flores and Tios Doring Flores. One year Auntie Mafe Ares brought me apples and grapes, another year raisins and prunes. That was before she came to the states - same with Mama Natang.

What I really wanted for Christmas were parents - on given days in December, I used to go to the beach and watch for the white ship coming in from Manila and hope, pray and wish that my parents were on it - coming to claim me forever. At least one of them anyway. My idea of parents were very sketchy in my mind. My ideal parent was Tia Ason Estenzo.

I am eating Divine Chocolates - Fair Trade chocolate from Ghana as I write this. I wonder about the children there and what their Christmas is like. The chocolates are excellent - especially the dark ones - reminds me of the "chocolate bits" that Mana Nene Villamor used to give me when she was making "tabliya." Heavenly!

My life is good and full.

Dominic performed in his school Christmas Concert last Thursday - Dad Elliott's birthday. He had a saxophone solo and played a very nice rendition of Oh Canada! The only saxophone solo - I might add. Dominic wants a router for his computer and Xbox 360??? It does not sound like a Christmas gift - sounds like an equipment used by th IT department.

Leto and Manny came to see me yesterday - Leto just finished a short story about one of his adventures in Catmon with Jonald Concha - written in Spanish, no less. Manny wanted a Wiii for Christmas - can't seem to find one.

Zachary had a birthday yesterday but I haven't been able to talk to him. He wanted a Wiii??? for birthday and Christmas. They are hard to come by these days.

With the help of the Madonna University community, family and friends,I hope to give each child on the CFK list an article of clothing, a toy and a book, the family food for the holidays.

Is this too much to ask from the wealthiest, best educated population this world has ever known.

Merry Christmas to all Montecillo/Rivera/Menchavez/Loyola folks wherever you are! I am thankful that I have family like you!Keep me in your prayers, okay?

Geography Makes a Difference

I am at Lauren's house in Garden City. Slept in the living room couch, woke up saw wall; peeked through blinds, saw street. Peeked at backyard as I drink my first cup of coffee and saw the deck dusted with snow, the yard bounded by the fence in three sides. I go for my walk - all flat, no hills. Garden City Park has lots of trees, walking pathways are made of concrete. The house is warm with love.

At home in Northville, I wake up; windows wide open, the view of the lake and gorgeous sunrises coming over the hill greet me. Have no kitchen window but I watch the lake and the hills beyond as I drink my cup of java in the living room. Sometimes I say my rosary. When I go for my walk, there are hills, mud in the footpaths when it rains. I am alone a lot but not lonely.

In summer when I am walking on top of one of the hills, I think about May and the kalumboyan and Cogon; where I watch the sea from afar and listen to the rustle of cogon grass stroked by the winds of May. Peaceful and soothing.

Now, the lake is rimmed with snow. It is half way frozen - in the the shallow parts mostly - soon almost all of the top will be frozen; ice - a couple of feet deep - the shanties of the ice fishermen will appear, spoiling my view.

I take ownership of the geography that surrounds me. I like to feel part of it all.

I have spent much of my childhood by the sea, in the sea, watching the sea in Catmon; listening to the music of the waves, a symphony with a variety of movements. Being in the water is like being one with the symphonic creation.

The beauty of the geographies are different but still beauty.

Have studied the changes in the geography through the seasons - the tableau seem to nourish my soul and renew my spirit. I think about the wondrous God Creator, steadfast but always changing - I, too, one of His Creations is always changing.

Grief, and Life Goes On

Fonda believed in serving. She worked very diligently for the victims of Hurricane katrina. Fonda (yellow) and Mary Therese - Americorps/VISTA.



Fonda at the MCC Service Leadership Camp. Fonda is a very thoughtful person.

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Fonda was in a car accident on Tuesday - we had our first real snow - some sleet, makes very treacherous driving.




Fonda did not make it - all her organs were harvested and donated. She will live on in others both physically and in spirit. God rest her sooul!